I’ve decided that I am definitely going to get the SmartLipo procedure done on my inner thighs.  I am so unhappy with them and nothing I’ve done for the past 4 years has made any significant impact.  I’ve been running, cycling, stair machine, strict diets and even had a personal trainer for an hour three times a week for three months – I’ve still got seriously fatty inner thighs.  I’ve reached the point that I just don’t know what else to do but elect for plastic surgery.

When I think about how big my thighs were when I was heavy, I really shouldn’t complain about how tone 75% of my legs are.  I tried to find a picture that would show you just how bad it was .. I found this one from when I was in the Dominican Republic in 2004.  I seriously just started crying.

How do you let yourself get that big?  How do you not see what is happening to your body? It seriously disgusts me that I ever let that happen to myself.  I can blame being depressed from the death of my mom, but ultimately, I choose to eat the way I did.  My mom was constantly on me about eating well.  Clearly, it didn’t register very well.

Moving on to the topic at hand, I decided I’ll go ahead and post my “before” pictures even though I haven’t decided when I am going to get the procedure done.  All I know is, with clothes on, this is serious false advertising

When you creep the shorts up, it’s a very different story.

 I can’t believe I’m posting this.  Putting your biggest insecurity out there for the world to see is a little overwhelming.  At least when I posted my “before” picture of my stomach, I had a nice “after” picture with a flat tummy.  For now, this is how the thighs are and will remain until I decide when to take the time off work and when I want to drop the $1800 on the procedure.

You can see the left thigh (when looking at the picture) has a very distinct bulge of fat.  It’s not as obvious on the right but it is still there.  I probably should have taken one from the side to show how much it sticks out.  I think having my stomach done made my thighs seem that much more prominent.  I can’t even wear size 12 shorts because the thighs don’t fit.  I wear size 12 jeans because the 10′s don’t fit around my thighs.  It’s extremely depressing.

I have some fat on the outer thighs, but not enough that the doctor is willing to touch it.  I think that once I get rid of the inner thigh, I’ll be more motivated to hit the weights.  Since I’ve had my stomach done, I’ve been doing ab exercises every day because I know that it’s only going to help with the skin issues.

I really wish that shows like “The Biggest Loser” were more honest about the impact losing 100+ pounds has on your skin.  For some people, who have been heavy for years, they’ve lost a lot of elasticity.  Why do people talk around the issue?  Why do they not want to share their stories?  This is life – it’s real – it happens.

I’m not proud of who I used to be, but I am proud of the person I have become.  I have worked very hard to lose this weight and I have earned the right to fine tune it through plastic surgery or whatever means I choose.  There are still only a handful of people who know that I’ve had my stomach done.  I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what I choose to do, how I choose to live my life, the decisions that I make for myself.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but I choose not to open the door to hear them.  This is about me – no one else.